This reading list was taken from the afccnet.org website. CLC attorneys are members of AFCC (Association of Family and Conciliation Courts) and regularly attend AFCC trainings and conferences. This is not a list of endorsed materials but merely suggestions for books, publications, websites and organizations that may be helpful as resources. Various individuals contributed to the resource list. The specific content of the materials and web sites does not necessarily reflect the opinions of CLC.
BOOKS – FOR PRESCHOOLERS
A Day with Daddy, by Nikki Grimes
Bernard, by Bernard Waber. Bernard the dog runs away while his owners argue about who will keep him when they break up.
Dinosaur’s Divorce, by Lawrence Brown. Through a dinosaur family, the writer of the Arthur children’s books explains divorce in a simple and straightforward way.
Do I Have a Daddy?: A story About a Single-Parent Child, by Jeanne Lindsay & Jami Moffett
My Family Is Changing: A First Look at Family Breakup, by Pat Thomas
On the Day His Daddy Left, by Eric Dams
Sometimes A Family Has To Split Up, by J. Watson
Tots Are Non-Divorceable: A Workbook for Divorced Parents and Their Children, Ages Birth to Five Years, by Sara Bonkowski
Two Homes, by Claire Masurel
Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story For Little Kids, by Sandra Levins & Bryon Langdo
When my Parents Forgot How to be Friends, by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos & Marta Fabrega
BOOKS – FOR ELEMENTARY AGED CHILDREN
Break Up: Facing Up to Divorce, by Gianni Padoan
Divorce Happens To The Nicest Kids, by M.D. Prokop
Divorce Is A Grown Up Problem, by Janet Stinberg
Families are Forever! Kids Workbook for Sharing Feelings About Divorce, by Melissa Smith. An interactive workbook that encourages children to express their feelings (ages 4-8).
How Does It Feel When Your Parents Get Divorced, by Terry Berger
I Don’t Want to talk About It, by Jeanie Franz Ransom. When a child’s parents sit her down to tell her they are going to get divorced, she fantasizes about the different animals she will turn into to deal with it.
I Have Two Families, by D. Herering
It’s not Your Fault, Koko Bear, by Vicky Lansky. A “read-together book”.
Mom and Dad Don’t Live Together Any More, by K. Stinson
Mr. Rogers Talks With Families About Divorce, by Fred Rogers and Clair O’Brien
My Parents Still Love Me Even Though They are Getting A Divorce: An InteractiveTale for Children, by Lois Nightengale
The Divorce Helpbook for Kids, by Cynthia MacGregor
Why Don’t We Live Together Anymore?: Understanding Divorce, by Carol Ackelmire. From the “Comforting Little Hearts” Series. For ages 4-8
With My Mom, With My Dad, by Maribeth Boelts & Cheri Bladholm
BOOKS – FOR PRETEENS AND ADOLESCENTS
Billie’s World, by Kim Grossman Finkel. Eleven-year-old Billie deals with sixth grade, a crush on a boy, and the news of her parents’ divorce in this novel for preteens.
The Boys And Girls Book About Divorce, by R. Gardner. Normalizing information and
advice from a child psychiatrist for children going through divorce.
Dear Mr. Henshaw, by Beverly Cleary. A sixth grader deals with going to a new school, his
parent’s divorce and his desire to be a writer.
Divorce Can Happen To The Nicest People, by Peter Mayle
The Divorce Express, by Paula Danziger. Phoebe’s life changes when her parents divorce and she spends time with her father far away from her home and boyfriend.
Don’t Fall Apart on Saturdays!: The children’s Divorce Survival Book, by Adolph Moser
Help! A Girl’s Guide to Divorce and Stepfamilies, by Nancy Holyoke
How Tia Lola Came to Stay, by Julia Alvaraz. Multicultural book that takes the reader along a boy’s new life after is parents’ divorce.
How To Get It Together When Your Parents Divorce, by Arlene Richards and Irene
It’s Not The End Of The World, by Judy Blume. Karen plans to get her father and mother back together so they can realize that divorce was a mistake.
Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids, by Isolina Ricci
My Parents Are Divorced, Too, by Bonnie Robson
My Parents are Divorced Too: A Book for Kids by Kids, by Melanie Ford, Annie Steven & Jann Blackstone-Ford
My Parents are Getting a Divorce; How to Keep It Together When Your Mom and Dad are Splitting Up, by Florence Cadier, Melissa Daly & Claire Gandini
Pickles and Peanuts, by Martha Ivery. Peanuts turns to her new friend Pickles to deal her feelings of abandonment, loss and being different from everyone else.
The Bright Side: Surviving Your Parent’s Divorce, by Max Sindell
The Kid’s Guide To Divorce, by Brogan, Marden & Fawcett
The Divorce Helpbook for Teens, by Cynthia MacGregor
When Divorce Hits Home, by Thea Joselow and Beth Joselow. Written by a daughter and mother about one teenager’s experience with divorce and how she dealt with it.
BOOKS – FOR ADULTS – GENERAL
Between Love and Hate: A Guide to a Civilized Divorce, by Lois Gold. Offers guidance to those going through divorce on improving communication, effective negotiation,and conflict resolution. Covers legal, financial and emotional issues.
Caught in the Middle, by C. Garrity and M. Barris
Crazy Time, by Abigail Trafford. A personal and academic account of the emotional and practical struggles of men and women going through divorce.
Complete Idiot’s Guide to Surviving Divorce, by Pamela Weintraub & Terry Hillman
Divorce: Preparing for Legal, Financial and Personal Decisions, by the Editors of Socrates
The Divorce Advisor, by Marcia Kline Pruitt.
Divorce and Money: How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce, by Violet Woodhouse & Dale Fetherling
Divorce And New Beginnings, by G. Clapp
Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, by Jane Appell
The Divorce Organizer & Planner, by Brette McWhorter Sembre
For Better or Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, by Mavis Hetherington & John Kelly
Getting Apart Together: The Couples Guide to a Fair Divorce or Separation, Martin Kranitz
Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life, by S. Marguilies
Going It Alone, by Robert Weiss
The Good Divorce, by Constance Ahrons. Shows couples how they can move beyond breakup and learn to deal with the transition from a nuclear family to a “binuclear” family.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love, by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield and Peter A. Williams.
Living Through Your Divorce, by Earl Grollman and Marjorie Sams
Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce, by Emily Doskow
Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, by Bruce Fisher
The Smart Divorce, by Deborah Moskovitch
Tears of a Warrior: A Family’s Story of Combat and Living with PTSD, by Janet Seahorn and E. Anthony Seahorn
Unofficial Guide to Getting a Divorce, by Russell Wild & Susan Wild
Untying The Knot, by Janine M. Bernard and Harold Hackney
The War That Came Home, by Andrea Carlile
You Can Keep the Damn China!, by Robert Nachshin & Jennifer Bright Reich
Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce, by Diana Mercer (Fireside 2001)
BOOKS FOR ADULTS – PARENTING ISSUES AND PLANS
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, by Thomas Phelan
Broken Hearts Healing: Young Poets Speak Out on Divorce, by Tom Worthen
But… What About Me! (How it Feels to be a Kid in Divorce), by Bonnie Doss
Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements that Work (3rd Ed.), by Mimi E. Lyster [Nolo Press, Jan 2000].
The Children’s Book, by Marilyn S. McKnight Erickson and Stephen K. Erickson. A communication workbook for parents to use and pass back and forth as the children spend time in different homes. Includes placesto record the schedule, activities, names, addresses and birthdays of friends and families, etc.
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan, by Dr. A. Jayne Major
Cooperative Parenting and Divorce: A Parent Guide to Effective Co-parenting, by Susan Boyan & Ann Termini
Co-Parenting: Sharing Your Child Equally, by Miriam Galper
The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce, by Elizabeth Thayer
Custody Chaos, Personal Peace: Sharing Custody With an Ex Who is Driving You Crazy, by Jeffrey Wittman
The Custody Revolution: The Father Factor and the Motherhood Mystique, by Ricahrd Warshak
Does Wednesday Mean Mom’s House or Dad’s?, by Marc Ackerman
Divorce Book For Parents, by Vicki Lansky
The Divorce Decisions Workbook, by Margorie Louise Engel and Diana Delhi Gould. A planning and action guide. Contains extensive forms for information-gathering and decisionmaking.
The Divorced Parent, by Stephanie Marston
Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond From a Vindictive Ex, by Richard Warshak
Everthing Parent’s Guide to Children and Divorce: Reassuring Advice to Help Your Family Adjust, by Carl Pickhardt
Ex-Etiquette For Parents: Good Behavior After a Divorce or Separation, by Jann Blackstone-Ford & Sharyl Jupe
Families Apart, by M. Blau
Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, by Jean Clark
Helping Children Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, by Gary Newman
Helping Your Child Succeed After Divorce, by Florence Bienenfeld
How to Help Your Children Overcome Your Divorce, by E. Benedek and C. Brown
How to Parent With Your Ex: Working Together For Your Child’s Best Interest, by Brette McWhorter Sembre
Impasses Of Divorce, by J. Johnson and L. Campbell
Joint Custody with a Jerk, by Julie A. Ross and Judy Corcoran. Excellent suggestions for examining each parent’s role in ongoing parental disputes. Communication skills for dealing with a difficult ex-spouse. “Not just for people who have joint custody and not just for jerks.”
Kids Are Worth It, by Barbara Coloroso
Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years, by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Mom’s House, Dad’s House: A Complete Guide for Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced or Remarried, by Isolina Ricci. A practical guide to setting up two-home parenting arrangement. Useful for parents whether or not joint custody is chosen. Includes guiding principles for co-parenting and maps out emotional stages and milestones from the time of separation through remarriage.
Parenting After Divorce: A Guide to Resolving Conflict and Meeting Your Children’s Needs, by Philip Stahl
Parenting Teens With Love & Logic, by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Parenting Through Divorce, by Karen J. Todd, M.C. and Nancy Barros, M.A.
The Parent’s Book About Divorce, by Richard Gardner
The Parent’s Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP), by Dinkmeyer and McKay; STEP for Parenting of Teens
Parent vs. Parent: How You and Your Child Can Survive the Custody Battle, by Stephen P. Herman
Pick Up Your Socks & Other Skills Growing Children Need, by Elizabeth Crary & Pat Casebolt
Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelson
Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World, by Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelson
Second Chances, by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blackslee
Sharing The Children: How To Resolve Custody Problems And Get On With Your Life, by Robert Adler
Shared Parenthood After Divorce, by Ciji Ware
Surviving the Break Up: How Children And Parents Cope With Divorce, by Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelley
Taking Charge: Caring Discipline That Works at Home and at School, by Joanne Nordling
Through the Eyes of Children: Healing Stories for Children of Divorce, by Janet Johnston
The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing With the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive, by Robert Emery
Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development, by T. Berry Brazelton
What About The Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce, by Judith Wallerstein
Why Do You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?, by Anthony Wolf
Without Spanking or Spoiling, by Elizabeth Crary
Vicky Lansky’s Divorce Book for Parents, by V. Lansky
Your ___ Year Old (one book for each age), by Louise Bates Ames
BOOKS – FOR ADULTS – NONCUSTODIAL PARENTS
A Divorced Dad’s Survival Book: How to Stay Connected to Your Kids, by David Knox
Every Other Weekend, by Kenneth F. Parker and Van Jones. Written by divorced fathers to help other divorced fathers confront pain and loss, understand their children’s feelings and accept their changed role in their children’s lives.
101 Ways to be a Long Distance Super-Dad… Or Mom, Too!, by George Newman. Simple and practical tips for keeping close with a child after divorce.
Long Distance Parenting: A Guide For Divorced Parents, by Miriam Galper Cohen
BOOKS ABOUT MEDIATION & COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE
Collaborative Divorce, by Pauline Tessler & Peggy Thompson
The Collaborative Way to Divorce, by Stuart Webb
Divorce Mediation, by Jay Folberg and Ann Milne, Editors
Divorce Mediation Answer Book, by Carol Butler & Dolores Walker
Divorce Mediation: How To Cut The Costs And Stress Of Divorce, by Diane Neumann
Divorce Without Court: a Guide to Mediation & Collaborative Divorce, by Katherine Stoner
Getting Together, by Roger Fisher and Scott Brown
Getting To Yes, by Roger Fisher and William Ury. A general book about negotiation techniques, the introduction of the win-win solution concept.
A Guide To Divorce Mediation, by Gary J. Friedman, J.D.
Mediation, by Jay Folberg and Allison Taylor
No-Fight Divorce, by Brette McWharter Sembre
Renegotiating Family Relationships, Divorce, Child Custody, And Mediation, by Robert E. Emery
Using Divorce Mediation: Save Your Money & Your Sanity, by Katherine Stoner
PUBLICATIONS TO ORDER
Dealing with Loss: A Guidebook for Helping Your Children During and After Divorce, by Herman M. Frankel, M.D.; (503) 227-1860, www.divorcework.com ($5.00 per copy).
My Parents Are Getting Divorced – A Handbook for Kids, ABA Section of Family Law Family Advocate, Vol. 18, No. 4. – (312) 988-5522. ($9.00 each to $3.00 each, depending on quantity)
Oregon State University Extension Service, (503) 737-2513. Publications on Divorce and Remarriage, including: “Property Division and Spousal Support”, “Child Support Decisions” and “Money Management for Stepfamilies”. (free to $1.50 per copy)
Parenting Kids Through Divorce
Links to other helpful resources for resolving post-divorce parenting conflicts and other divorce issues.
Up To Parents
A free and interactive website that helps divorcing and divorced parents reduce conflict and focus on the true needs of their children.
Families First ensures the success of children in jeopardy by empowering families through intervention, education and advocacy. Our comprehensive solutions get to the root causes of the most serious, long-lasting and urgent problems facing children and families today.
Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
AFCC is an interdisciplinary and international association of professionals dedicated to the resolution of family conflict. AFCC promotes a collaborative approach to serving the needs of children among those who work in and with family law systems, encouraging education, research and innovation and identifying best practices.
High Conflict Institute
A private firm specializing in working with individuals in high conflict relationships. Managing High Conflict People (HCPs) usually involves using skills which are the opposite of what one feels like doing. Learning these skills takes time and practice, but can make an amazing difference in resolving, managing, and containing High Conflict disputes.
An international non-profit organization dedicated to promoting peaceful coexistence between divorce or separated parents and their new families.
Created by a Florida divorce attorney and mediator, this site offers knowledgeable and evenhanded articles of interest, including “How Can I Get the Kids Through This?”, “What are the Mistakes People Make Most Often in Divorce?”, and “What do I do now that I’ve Screwed Up?”.
This site has book lists, helpful articles, and referrals to various professionals indexed by city and state.
A good assortment of resources and links, including other state laws and organizations, and frequently asked questions.
Extensive articles on the financial, legal and psychological aspects of divorce.
Just For Kids
Find thousands of books for and about kids, some at discount prices, including new books, multi-cultural books, and holiday books. Search by categories or children’s age, with recommendations and reviews.
Military Divorce & Separation Issues
Information and resources concerning divorce and separation for active duty military and family members, including information on divorce lawyers, garnishment, child support, financial concerns, support, applicable regulations, and more.
Parenting Time Calendar
The calendar software allows parents to put in their parenting time schedule and print out custom calendars. It also calculates the number of parenting time overnights each parent has and calculates parenting time percentages.
An Assessment of Data, Theory, and Research on Marriage and Divorce
A study completed by UCLA Prof. Benjamin Karney and John Crown of the RAND Corporation looked into the effects of military deployments on marriages. Using personnel records of the entire U.S. military, the study examined how extended military deployments in each branch of the armed forces related to the divorce rates in the branches.
When a decorated Marine goes missing overseas, his black-sheep younger brother cares for his wife and children at home-with consequences that will shake the foundation of the entire family.
The following are legal organizations that provide legal services for free or at a reduced rate to those in need.
Legal Aid Society of Hawaii – A non-profit organization that provides free legal services to indigent families in Hawaii. Families seeking legal representation must qualify under income guidelines and other guidelines depending on the program. The Legal Aid Society of Hawai’i provides help in the area of FAMILY LAW to families and individuals who are struggling with a variety of different issues, including:
- Child custody, visitation, and child support;
- Spouse and child abuse;
- Temporary Restraining Orders (TROs);
- Adoptions, Guardianships, or Powers of Attorney;
- Advance Health Care Directives and simple wills; and other legal issues
Legal Aid’s staff of attorneys and paralegals provide assistance with these issues through a variety of different methods, including: legal advice, help in filling out paperwork, making phone calls, document preparation, classes on how to complete an uncontested divorce or how to modify child support or child custody orders, and full representation in limited cases.
For more information, please visit their website at www.legalaidhawaii.org or call them at 536-4302.
Volunteer Legal Services of Hawaii – A non-profit organization that provides free or reduced rates to Hawaii’s indigent population. Family Law, Adoption, Child Advocacy, Child Support, Custody, Divorce, Guardianship, Temporary Restraining Orders, Visitation, Parenting Plans and Elder law. For more information, please call 808 528-7046 on Oahu or Toll Free 1-800-839-5200 or visit their website at Volunteer Legal Services of Hawaii.
Domestic Violence Legal Clearinghouse – Provides legal services on a sliding scale to victims of domestic violence. The cost for legal services is based on a sliding fee scale with hourly costs assessed for those in a higher income bracket. Training and technical assistance is also fee based while court outreach is available to every victim seeking the courts protection or appearing as a witness in a criminal case.For more information, please call 531-3771 or visit their website at stoptheviolence.org
Mediation Center of the Pacific – A non-profit organization that provides very low cost mediation to families in Hawaii. There is no income requirement.MCP provides mediation for a broad variety of issues.
- Divorce: Mediators assist parties with property division, child custody and visitation and other issues involved in marital separation. Mediators also help the parties walk through the divorce decree to insure they have addressed all issues and are able to finalize the divorce on their own.
- Paternity Mediation: Mediators assist parties who are not married, but have a child or children, resolve issues of custody, visitation and child support. These cases are court-ordered from Family Court.
For more information, please call 521-6767 or visit their website at mediatehawaii.org.
Hawaii State Bar Association’s Legal line – Volunteer attorneys host a telephone hotline every Wednesday evening from the hours of 6:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. They are available to provide free legal information to the public. This one-hour weekly program assists members of the public who may not have access to an attorney and need general advice or who just want to be pointed in the right direction to get information.Call them Wednesday night at (808) 537-1868. For more information, visit their website hsba.org
There is no question that military service members and their families have made and are continuing to make enormous sacrifices for our country. The stressors placed on a family when at least one member is active duty are significant. In the best of circumstances, families develop inner strength through deployments, frequent moves, and new cultural experiences. However, more than a decade of war in Iraq and Afghanistan has taken its toll on members of the military and their families, making divorce a sad reality.
In the context of divorce, service members and their families have unique needs, which include long hours, frequent moves, unpredictable schedules, deployments, andphysical and mental injuries related to their active service. Additionally, many haveconcerns that the court will be biased in favor of or against the military members. What if the court precludes service members from ever having a chance at custody because of the possibility of deployment and unpredictable schedules? Or what if the court ignores the military member’s significant parenting weaknesses out of gratitude for their military service?
The “one-size-fits all” approach to custody simply does not work for our military families. A determination of the “Best Interests of the Child,” needs to include not just the traditional best interest factors, but also an understanding of military culture and the challenges military families face. Identifying the best interests of children of military families involves creating appropriate child custody and visitation plans for parents who may travel, have unpredictable schedules or are frequently reassigned and deployed. The goal is to support both parents relationship with the children to the healthiest extent possible.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
An issue that significantly impacts families in the military is PTSD. After being through a traumatic tour, a military spouse may return from combat with depression, sleeplessness, less interest in activities, and discomfort in crowded places. Flashbacks to traumatic experiences may also occur.
For families dealing with PTSD, experts encourage seeking proper psychiatric help, especially if the marriage is being affected. Couples should not try to treat themselves, as PTSD introduces a new set of difficulties that are hard to manage. The U.S. military offers a number of services for military couples and individual service members suffering from PTSD.
With the war in Iraq officially over, more families will be facing the challenges posed by PTSD and reintegrating into family life and society as a whole. Unfortunately, some families that have survived the war may have a marriage that will not.
In these most difficult of situations it is important that the professionals involved in custody determinations understand the complexities of PTSD, treatment, and risk to the family and service members and options for supporting the parent/child relationship.
New family court review article seeks to improve courts’ assessment of child custody cases for combat veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder. July 3, 2012. Military author and attorney discusses growing number of child custody cases involving PTSD-afflicted parents, presents blueprint for courts to distinguish special issues in military families and accurately assess demonstrated parenting ability.
Andrea Carlile, The War That Came Home. Arthur House: June 26, 2012. Official website. One woman’s story of how her husband was affected by a deployment to Iraq and the effects of the debilitating mental illness, PTSD. The tale shares her personal journey and is one of the few novels revealing the spouse’s view of the effects of war after the veteran has returned home. Besides providing valuable information to raise awareness about both PTSD and domestic violence, the story reveals the personal battles that she faces by weaving together the past and the present. The novel would be an interesting read to both veterans and non-veterans and offers hope to those impacted by the effects of the disorder.
Janet Seahorn & E Anthony Seahorn, Tears of a Warrrior: The Wounds of War: Healing Mind, Body & Spirit. Team Pursuits: January 15, 2010. Official website. This has been our life’s journey for the past thirty-some years. We began writing our story several years back simply as a legacy for our two sons. But, with the war in Iraq & Afghanistan and soldiers returning from combat, we realized that there are many others who are living our experience as well. Some certainly have an even more traumatic story than ours. We are sharing our story for the sole purpose of giving back and hopefully making a difference for others.
An Assessment of Data, Theory, and Research on Marriage and Divorce – A study completed by UCLA Prof. Benjamin Karney and John Crown of the RAND Corporation looked into the effects of military deployments on marriages. Using personnel records of the entire U.S. military, the study examined how extended military deployments in each branch of the armed forces related to the divorce rates in the branches. The study showed that military couples who were married younger had a higher risk of divorce, as did couples where the female spouse was deployed. However, in a strange twist, the study found that longer deployments led to less of a chance for divorce.
Brothers. Lionsgate Entertainment: 2009. Official website. When a decorated Marine goes missing overseas, his black-sheep younger brother cares for his wife and children at home-with consequences that will shake the foundation of the entire family.